couldn’t help posting a photo of my home group’s half measures room with this blog…as you can see, there are no couches or chairs in here anymore…it’s not much of a socializing area…basically a hallway now…some people stand in here and talk between meetings, but it’s a brief “how you doing?” kind of a thing…or maybe just catching up after a meeting from what had been shared…mostly it’s a place to post organizational things going on locally…and even a board for more personal, individual things, like where I work…or i need a sober roommate…or i need help moving…i just saw the “Quiet Zone” sign and had to share it…goes right along with what’s been on my mind lately…i’m thinking this is to keep people down a notch while meetings are going on…it’s mostly in the coffee bar through that door on the right…i’ve heard people getting really loud in there about stuff while people are in the other rooms for a meeting…it can be pretty distracting
i’ve probably mentioned this before, in some other blogs…but, over the past few years i’ve been doing my best to listen in meetings…and that hasn’t been easy…i’ve never been one to physically hear the voice of God from the heavans…even in my morning meditation, devotionals and prayers…i’ve never heard His will directed to me in voice…occasionally i have read something that fits right along with what i’m going through…or a specific reminder of what to look forward to…or how i should really be treating people and working on life right now…and there have been other times where i’ve skipped directly over what i’ve been reading, and have to revisit it again, one more time…and that isn’t enough…so i ditch it all together…which is probably why i read from two books…prayers come the same way, sometimes…like the 3rd and 7th Step prayers…there have been times where those words just slip right off my tongue, without any meaning whatsoever…and there are other days where parts of the phrases come on strong…right where i need to be that day
my goal during that “moment of silence” at the beginning of meetings is to ask my Higher Power to remove my judgements of other people…how many times have i heard what someone has said, and took it south…like, “they are full of shit!”…or, “what does this have to do with sobriety?”…and even, “they aren’t alcoholic, what are they even doing here?!”…it’s mad…crazy…and today i truly want to hear what they are saying to the group…for, it’s been my experience that God speaks to me through other people…it’s one of the big reasons why meetings are so important to me…it’s not how i work the steps…it’s not totally how i stay sober…sobriety is a way of life for me, outside the rooms…however, it is in fellowship that i get to learn from others who have gone before me…or newbies struggling through what i have similarly
this is why i think my wife and sponsor have been encouraging me to share in meetings…trying to keep my mouth shut just isn’t enough…especially if i have a message to carry through the topic at hand…i’ve been doing my best to keep to merely blogging…but, even that isn’t enough…i’ve been better about being social on the internet lately…although, i’m still only blogging a couple times a month…there are times in meetings frequently, when i feel i have something to add, and i don’t…so, i’m doing my best to change that…and i’m only raising my hand to speak when there is meaningfully something to contribute…and it’s hard, at times…there are still things certain people say that i disagree with…so, i want to speak up and shoot them down…lol…and that’s not good…it’s cross-talk…and it’s still important to ask God to direct my thinking and speak through me with His words…i just want to be there for the next suffering addict/alcoholic…if what i say can reach one person in the room, my role in Unity has been fulfilled…it happens to me most times when i attend the group…whether it’s in the meeting itself, or outside that hour in my day…which is why it’s pertinent that i show up 15-30 minutes before and after…for half the time people who speak to me then have the ability to reach
leaving with this…i was talking to my kid the other day about skateboarding…told him that i knew he was a skateboarder, because he was doing what he could to learn things on his own…i have tried to mention tricks to him before, but he just wouldn’t listen…that’s when i knew he was true about this sport…because i have been the same…i do like to watch others skate at the parks we go to…and when i’m at home i enjoy watching videos of pro skaters…and it’s in the capture of how they pull tricks and land them that inspire me to do the same…and there are bad days and good days…i fall…and hurt…and slam…and bail…but, i always pick it back up again…so, i told my kid to never give it up…as long as we have a goal and learn something new each day, skateboarding will be part of our lives forever…which is much the same with sobriety…each day is new…so i take what i can and watch others to learn new things and acclimate them into my life…hard times…pink clouds…life can be different with each step…it is in how i communicate progress and failure with others…and i don’t expect them to do it for me…it is my responsibility to watch, listen and share what i’ve learned to people in the fellowship who have like-minds and actions…i musn’t take one over the other…i cant tell people of what i am not practicing anymore…and i am unable to only hear things without doing the deal…faith without works is dead, is it not?