Mar 02

the problematic solution comparative…

lately i have seen that the name of my blog has become most accurate…my measures at staying sober have been half-baked for some time now…i could come up with a number of different excuses for you…and none of them would give best answers for the inevitable outcome of not working hard through sobriety…there are not any solutions for recovering life from terminal diseases, like alcoholism and drug addiction…in that sense, i’m saying there isn’t a cure…we are infinitely screwed…however, there are daily practices, attitudes and actions that pose potential of sending our illness into remission…IMG_1418my daily’s have been focused primarily on prayer, devotionals and finding the faults in my character that lead to selfish/self-seeking motives…in which, i haven’t been suitably efficient…the meditations i had grown accustomed to are missing…meetings are very few and far between…and service work is non-existent…i still occasional get in contact with members of the program i’ve known a while…but, talks with my sponsor are missing…and more than usual…

thinking of myself is the humongous issue of sober and loaded life…i’ve discovered that sadness, glee and even fear are centered in this problematic state…and there is no way of removing it on my own willpower…otherwise, i would have been able to sober up all by myself…i need a power greater than human…which is why i look to God…

 

last year i began looking into the God-consciousness topic brought up in our literature…confused by it’s meanings and placement in stories, i asked my sponsor…he told me that finding help for others will bring about a conscious alert of God working in life itself…i’ve never been one to hear the voice of my creator…never have i seen His face, or specific instructions…miracles and God-power have always been apparent to me in events, helpfulness and love from other people around me…no matter how hard i’ve tried to think about it, or ask in morning and daily prayer, it has only been through actions on my part, and the part of others, that God has become visible to me in this world…

therefore, it is not my thoughts, beliefs and understanding that manage to keep me sober…it is only though my actions…i cannot think myself unselfishly…that is what thought singles itself out in, even with this writing…the more i read about this disease, i find myself discarding principles that brought me this far in the first place…i get a guilt-shame coming over me, and shudder when i come across tools i’ve misplaced and no longer use…my focus has been on self, when that is where the problem lies…how can i rid of self when i am all who is thought about in this head?

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drink and drugs have been the furthest from my mind…there have been times when a desire comes, but i have been quick to ask for it to be removed…my life has been centered primarily upon my family, work and home life…this schedule has been tight, and there are still problems to work through…however, just me, my talks with God and the devotionals i read are not enough to solve the issue…

finding these reading in the past few days has truly brought this to my attention…although i pray for others, and ask for help in removing selfishness and desire to get high, it is still obvious to me now that i have returned the problem back to myself…and without the help of others, there is no common ground…defeat is imminent..

after i went back out again 3 years ago, the most i appreciated in returning to the rooms is the attention of being a newcomer…i never wanted to be an old-timer anymore…not that i didn’t want to be sober for the rest of my life…that wasn’t my point…i just liked being the most important person in the room…being forced to listen to others tell their stories…i’m still not comfortable sharing in the rooms…i feel i just don’t have the best answers to people’s questions, as i have failed over and over again to lead a sober life…

we all have our own problems…but, we are not different in that way…there are those of us who have encountered the same difficulties, and overcome them without picking up again…i may feel at times that life is heading nowhere…that once an issue is overcome, another problem fills it’s place…life is not a bed of roses…the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…we have abilities to regrow the grass in our own gardens…to replant the same seeds, yet care for them better and with the utmost of care…

determination of what is blocking us is only the beginning…it is in how we discover to move around and move forward that brings our life into light…i cant just keep asking God for the help…i must take actions in order for the prayers to come true…if it was just a matter of sitting here and asking for help to be received, than wishing would be the answer…but, as with those wishing wells, they just fill up with loose change people have tossed in for thoughts to come true…only the person diving in to collect all that money retains a true profit…yes, it may get them soaked with cold water…but the dampness will dry quickly with time…it is action coupled with thought and presence that leads to a new and productive life…

 

 

Jun 23

The Individual Liberty of a Common Suffering

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it’s been some time since i’ve added anything to this blog page…i’ve gone through so much in the past several months…it has been hard for me to arrange my schedule to fit everything in…too much to say about it all right now…so i will just stick to what is newest

a few weeks ago i went though a surgery because of a bad Crohn’s disease attack…this has put me out of work until next week…living in a new place, i’ve spent most of my time in bed, resting up…thought about adding another vlog to this page…but, changed my mind, and decided to write instead

my wife and i moved into a new place…i have a new job…this has kept my life super busy over the past few months…been hard for me to even fit as many meetings in, as i’m used to…meetings are more about fellowship to me now…less about what is shared and discussed…although, i do try to keep an open-mind and listen to what is said…during that quiet time at the beginning, i ask my Higher Power to remove my judgements against others, so i can better hear His message, and help those in need of my service

“The first thing I had to do was resign from the debating society.  That didn’t mean I started agreeing with everything I heard.  It means only that I listened without arguing, used what I could use, and filed the rest for future reference.

“The second thing I did was become an active member of my home group, which happened to be my sponsor’s home group.  I saw that whatever else spirituality might consist of, it had to include being of maximum service to my fellow alcoholics, whether or not they were still suffering.” – p.8 Many Paths to Spirituality AA pamphlet

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there a couple of devotionals i read in the morning after my meditation…one of them is the Hazelden 24 Hours a Day book…which i love the most, because it touches upon spiritual principles in our 12 Step program, frequently…in one portion it talks about supplication and appropriation, when it comes to forming relationships with our HP

looking it up in the dictionary, supplicate means to ask or beg for something earnestly or humbly…appropriate is taking something for one’s own use, without the donor’s permission…this had me at a big eye opener, especially when coming to prayer…i’ve been doing my best to only ask for those things for myself that i expect help in my service to others around me…all my other parts of prayer are centered around people i know that are dealing with rough, difficult and unmanageable trials in their lives

knowing that it is not my place to play God…i obviously do not have the most sane and useful thinking and feelings…otherwise, i wouldn’t need something like a 12 Step program to stay sober…it is in my best interest to keep my prayers very generic…i haven’t a real clue what other people need to solve their problems…anymore than i do about what will take me down the right path…

“When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone.  He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.  He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered.  In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself.” p. 11 Many Paths to Spirituality AA pamphlet

recently i’ve had questions about this God Consciousness that’s talked about in our way of life…it seems to me that it’s always in hindsight, when looking for the way God works in my own life…as with others however, i appear to locate it immediately…which is strange…being a former agnostic, belief in something always meant vision, sound and feeling of something tangible…i just couldn’t find faith in anything, unless it was something i had first-hand experience with…unfortunately, it is still somewhat that way for me today

my sponsor told me that the best way to find God working in others (as well as myself) is to be of service…to sponsor other addicts/alcoholics coming to the meetings…to do 12 Step calls…and just remain available for anyone who is in need of help from drugs and booze problems…for i am following a solution that has worked best for me…and that is what attracted me to the 12 Step program to begin with…it had nothing to do with spirituality…i was broken…desperate…nowhere else to turn…and then found a place where people just like me…who had gone through much the same turmoil…and they had found a way out…so, it was up for me to follow in their footsteps, if i wanted what they had found

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Dec 08

Sacrificial Substance as a Safeguard to Future Sobriety…

…i had a lot of trouble finding proper link to what is spoken of in the video above…

…so, just click on the link below and type WSR into the search bar…

…this should provide you with uploads of documentation for sure, safe contact with inmates…

…obviously, this is for NA members (particularly) and requires certain amounts of sober time…

…however, it’s the safest venue i found through my search that meets needs…

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Dec 01

Promoting Tools We’ve Gathered So Far…In an Ambition to Further the Purpose

…below is the link to click for taking you to the 12 step website i found today…

 

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Nov 24

Improving Ourselves for the Righteousness of Others…

…below is the link to the 12 step worksheet page i was talking about in the video above…

 

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Nov 17

Past Wrong Understandings and Future Barriers to Relapse…

…the link below will take you to history behind the Oxford Groups…

 

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Nov 11

Proactive Survey of Inactive Forgetfulness

…click the link below to to visit RumRadio.org…

Rum Radio

Nov 03

Responsibility of Sober Self-Esteem

…below is the link for the sober app’s on you phone i talked about in the vlog above…

 

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Oct 27

The Extremities of Failure Perfection…

…click on the logo below…it takes you to the page for that Foundation camp I talk about in the video…

 

HEB Camp

Oct 20

Confidence in Our Higher Power and Another Human Being for Order in Changing Ourselves

 

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