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Aug 15

Inquisitive Bibelots

never stop questioning where to go with this blog…still want to keep it on sobriety using the 12 Steps…better about not referencing already written books on the subject…focusing more on my own words…normally, i find each title first…how it’s relating directly to what is going on with me…which brings up personal things walked through…as well as memories of past mistakes and solutions found…this has been jogging around in the back of my head over the last couple weeks…getting emails from groups a part of on the internet, regarding writing…some of these are articles about blogs…one in particular went over how most successful bloggers stay away from intimate recollections, or specific instances in personal life…this sounds more like fiction, to me…i’ve always looked at blogging as a sort of journal…its how i have always carried messages of recovery from alcoholism/drug addiction…then again, i’m not really sure who is reading this…what truly has brought my eyes around to this is my profile on Linked In…being out of work, the wonder is if any prospective hiring manager, HR personnel or acquisition recruiters follow the links to this page…knowing i am the author?…in that case, maybe i should not be going on about my horrible past with dope and booze…for nearly ten years now, i have wrote under the pseudonym of Half Measures Room…protecting my anonymity to keeping in-line with the 11th Tradition…over the last many months, directions have changed with that…never claiming membership to any particular 12 Step fellowship here, it appears okay to connect employers with my work online to this website

writing has always been a hobby and passion of mine…beginning with poetry and short stories…this grew into blogging, once entering sobriety…and i miss the online radio program i used to host on blogtalkradio.com…can’t wait to start doing that again someday soon…it’s been my goal with writing to bring my own narrative to light, on paper and the computer screen…the best way i have communicating with people…always has been…now working on a novel started years ago…more of an auto-biographical piece, with some fiction thrown in…taking a lot of time and effort…not sure exactly how far through with it i am…over the past few days, the title and premise of a new, fully fictional novel has come to mind…too much to take in, right now…creativity has been running rampant in my mind and hands…and i don’t want it to stop…writer’s block had it’s hold on me for awhile…just not caring for it’s return…still not sure who is looking at material put out for this blog…are you addicted, like i am?…in recovery?…looking for help?…or, do you just like reading stuff?

maybe your just wondering why the hell it’s put out for the eyes like this…it isn’t a reason i’ve gone into great detail about…kept it to myself, mostly…doing what i can in staying original…all the lower-case is meant in singling out each sentence…one statement as it’s own…these lead to definition of the three periods between them…also, a way setting aside the lines…keeping apparent their meanings…plus, i like numerology in written word…the periods stand for substance…Unity, Service, and Recovery…Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness…the Father, Son and Holy Spirit…i could go on and on about it…but, i’m thinking you get the picture now…is this a good way to blog?…i haven’t the slightest clue…nobody ever responds to it anymore…i had to rid the comment box here on Word Press, because it was getting infected with malware and spam…the profiles created on Linked In, Facebook and Twitter are pretty silent…much why i’m itching to get back to internet radio…for getting the words out there again…online meetings…meetings in print…this has been the aim for HMR since it started in 2008…non-profit…spreading 12 Step recovery to those who want it most, and have not found it…reaching that hand out there to who is lost, not knowing what to contact for help

only ever been best at writing about what i have been through myself…this provides credence to the directive reviewed while reading…i haven’t any business going on about what i haven’t any idea of…it’s even how my pieces of fiction and poetry have been…all through the sight and thought of the author printing it…how i’ve come to describing such happening in my mind, body and spirit (three periods!)…once getting ahold of sobriety, my interests with the 12 Steps flowered and blossomed…through looking at what had been done…following angles to success and freedom…i wanted to discover more about it…it’s how i’ve always been about life…what my “Elevator Speech” in finding the right job goes into…the How’s and Why’s of everything…once i see an object working…why it is there?…doing what it does?…then, i want to find out how…particulars and specifics…what operates in giving desired results?…after going in all the intricacies, my eyes, ears and hands open to possibilities of growth and development…a larger toolbox is presented, offering availability to what similar creeps up next

inner workings of anything go to show true value after asking about purpose and scope…it is built when using products and services continually…much like how jigsaw puzzles work…we love seeing the proposed picture atop the box…opening it up, all types of different shaped pieces are exposed…taking each one out to look, we see them opposing each other…this can immediately cause confusion, frustration…if deciding to continue, we will step back and assess the situation…where do we start first?…with the easiest method, obviously…flat lines match up better…certain design and colors fit closely…time will pass, after taking this route…soon, we have borders…these line together, eventually…edges become square…now, we have the frame of this picture we want to create…how did we get this far already?…what can take us further than that?…seeking out pieces that fit in the holes left over…which ones slides in correctly?…according to shape and image?…with more watchful guidance, we will be well on our way to a finished masterpiece, one sawed and painted shape at a time

still, not absolutely sure where i’m going with this…so much on my mind and plate today…working…writing…responsibility…family…sobriety…friendship…is what i’m doing so far been effective?…should i be trying different ways?…will it all operate the way i’m expecting it to?…is what i’m assuming will happen really what is needed?…needs and wants are not always the same as each other…my will and God’s will can be far apart…the only times i’ve even looked for help is when facing a failure…and that is where this job search quest is for me…a query struggled with answering at interviews is the whole “What is your greatest weakness?”…some answers are not the greatest to give out…depends on what the hiring team is wanting to find…yet, i do want to be honest…only, not forbidding…how should i say it?…must be that i am overwhelmingly weak with looking for assistance when approached with a problem…always bent on figuring things out on my own…however, the solution i’ve found with this handicap, is involving help where it is needed most…trouble-shooting and advice from others who have dealt with the same kind of predicament…this deals with it adequately…but, when on a time crunch, or more is expected from you, what other choices do you have?…insanity is commonly defined as committing to the same ideal, over and over, when nothing ends up changing…the expectation is for it to be altered, all on it’s own…getting fastened to that is what points to service and support…nobody has to do it for you…they just nudge you another way

a guy i have known for years in sobriety called me the other morning…haven’t seen or heard from him for a few months now…we go to different meeting places…both of us lead busy lives…neither one is good at contacting those we don’t run into much…used to acting with schedules we have set up for ourselves…so, it was extremely nice catching up…he asked about riding bikes, since that is a big commonality we have…even mentioned getting together and cycling down a greenbelt trail we share an affinity for…that is awesome!…gives us downtime with spending in person, face-to-face…he also asked about my jobless situation…what had i been doing about that?…then, he went a little more particular…asking about sponsorship…telling me he wasn’t that good at finding that kind of partnership with someone…that he hadn’t sponsored anyone for some time now…”How do you find sponsees?” he asked…i couldn’t believe i was hearing this from him!…i mean, this dude has thirty years without a drink or drug…stopped getting loaded around the same time I started picking it up…i couldn’t think of what to tell him…so, i said “Dude, I am the wrong person to ask about this”

then, he went even deeper than that…wanting to know if the reason newbies don’t ask him for sponsorship is because of the way he shares in meetings…was there something turning these prospects away from him?…i could only return in telling him what i knew…that he had always been my back-up with issues in sobriety…if my sponsor were to ever move away…or, if i couldn’t get in touch with him, for one reason or another…this good friend of mine would be my go-to guy on working the steps for sobriety…he is dependable…does the stepwork steadily…and i trust him with my deepest, darkest secrets…”i’ve never liked the idea of raising hands to offer sponsorship to those needing it at the end of meetings.” i told him…all i could think about is how i met the man who took me through the steps…he drew near to me…listening to what i had to say about dilemmas getting sober…not having an ability in putting the drink and drug down…which he agreed upon, confiding in me his own likeness…and what did he have to do in quitting?…that is exactly what the 12 Steps are about…which is where we started in our relationship…one man walking with another…bringing him up with the way he was brought by another…because, we just can’t do it alone…it takes teamwork…one mind…one heart…and one action used together