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Jun 09

the new gift of life

“When we first begin to enjoy relief from our addiction, we run the risk of assuming control of our lives again. We forget the agony and pain we have known. Our disease controlled our lives when we were using. It is ready and waiting to take over again. We quickly forget that all our past efforts at controlling our lives failed.” p.48 NA text

i can absolutely relate to this passage…although i find it amusing when we personify our disease (i.e…’my disease is doing push-ups in the parking lot’), it does serve a purpose…seeing as the problem centers in my mind…that selfishness is the root of my troubles…and that only God can remove the selfishness…it is easy for me to return to that former sick thinking, if i am not seeking God currently

someone shared in the meeting over the weekend a part of the AA literature that made me think…i find myself turning to the dictionary half as much as i turn to the literature…it is important for me today to understand exactly what i am reading…there are times where i think i know what i am reading, and what it means…searching for the definition of words in question have brought up interesting results

“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” p. 85 AA BB

this is the passage that was referred to…i used to think it meant that we are released from our disease daily, and that depended upon how we maintained the condition of our spirit…then i looked up the definition for ‘reprieve’…it means temporary relief…’contingent’ means having a chance, or that something may possibly happen

so, along those lines, i read it as saying “what we really have is a chance for temporary relief if our spiritual condition is maintained”

to tie everything into the passage at the beginning of this blog, i must continue the work outlined in the steps if i am to remain recovered from this disease…problems will arise…character flaws will crop up, when i am not handling them appropriately (or differently than before)…keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power is key to this…for i had abandoned all power for the drink and the drug when i became alcoholic/addicted…so now, i have to depend upon an outside source to control my life, since my life has become out of control
if not daily, than hourly…sometimes by the minute, if need be…i simply will not return to sanity as long as i place dependence upon other things ahead of my dependence upon God…i consider this disease a mental illness in which only a psychic change will conquer…the 12 steps are treatment for the spiritual malady…once the illness of my spirit is treated, i straighten out mentally and physically…if the mental obsession for control returns, i am without defense against the first drink or drug…once taking booze or dope into my system, the phenomenon of physical craving returns…therefore the problem is healing my mind

this new life is truly a gift…it was given to me by those whom had discovered it…it was given to them (i believe) through God’s grace…to remain thankful, prudent and humble is the only way for me to keep this precious gift…it has to be taken care of our i will lose it…i have a opportunity to find that peace and serenity today…under the haze and misdirection of active addiction, i haven’t the chance