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Jul 14

the interests of all concerned

“Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back.  This just isn’t so.  In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another.  Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people.  It is dependent upon his relationship with God.  We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all.  We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.”  p. 99-100  AA BB

mostly all of us experienced relationship problems when first attempting sobriety…the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction affects all whose lives touch the sufferers…it is not respective of women, children, elders, or peers…some of us were lucky to have a few friends left…i know for me, i burnt many a bridge in my drinking…some held on, hoping against hope i would one day get it under control…others bailed at the first oppurtunity, not wanting to participate in my sickness and destruction…some pleaded with me and stood by my side, thinking i would stop for them…others ended up giving in, and drank and drugged right beside me

enablers are those that allow us to continue our use and abuse of drugs and alcohol…they may not know it, but they are signing our own death warrant…they give us money, when we ask for help on the rent…not knowing, or not wanting to know what we were really spending it on…they let us crash out on their couch for a night or two, only to later wonder why we weren’t really trying to find a job, or help ourselves…we stole from them…we lied to them…we manipulated them and broke their trust over and over…yet, they stayed…they remained fearful that we would one day die, and they wouldn’t be there to ‘save’ us

the fact of the matter is, people like us are ‘usavable’…no amount of human power can protect us or save our soul…that power must come from a God of our personal understanding…we put God first in our lives and the rest falls back into place…relationships should be the last thing on our minds when we decide to quit drinking and drugging…a lot of couples arrive at our doors, looking to sober up…they drank together…they drugged together…the stole and lied together…they were partners in crime

unfortunately, these couples are much like the using buddies we ran with…aside from the booze and dope, they rarely have anything else in common…although they got loaded together, they should sober up seperately…each must work on themselves first, before they can be of any use to each other…sometimes that means seperation…other times it may mean divorce…it doesn’t always have to end up that way…if both parties are serious about starting a new life, and abandon themselves to the work, relations can be mended…although, this partnerships must be on different terms because the old way of living together wasn’t working

if anyone is feeling threatened at home, or constantly under the temptation to use, because of a family member or spouse, i recommend removal from the situation…i have heard of the other person coming to their senses, once the loss is realized, looking for sobriety themselves…other times it has been a blessing in disquise…i wasn’t thrilled about the seperation from my ex-wife at 2 months sobriety…in hindsight, it was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me…i’m not so sure i would be sober today, had she not have asked me to leave and divorced me…the only thing i regret is putting my daughter through all that…she is one of the unsuspecting victims of my past poor behavior and decision making…it is my utmost responsiblity to be the best dad i know how to be and help her walk through a time that may not make a lot of sense to her