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Aug 08

letting go of the wheel

“You cannot forever stand against God’s will for you, nor can you forever upset God’s plan for your life, even though God’s plan may be postponed by your willfulness and deliberate choice of evil. A whole world of men and women cannot permanently change God’s laws nor His purpose for the universe. The sea of life may look very rough to us, but we can believe that our Captain steers the boat on a straight course.”   July 5th Meditation for the Day…24 Hours a Day devotional book

i realize this may not be a popular topic with some of you…if you are easily offended by religious/spiritual talk, or if i tagged you by accident (i do not personally know most of my friends) forgive me…i try my utmost to keep the notes simple enough for all of us to relate…this passage just really touched me this morning and i wanted to talk to you about it

there was a time in my drinking/drugging career when i felt alienated and outcast by my friends and others around me…playing the victim role, i blamed my parents, the administration at school and the police force…’Question Authority’ became my motto, and i remember very clearly sitting on the bus on the way to school telling myself i would devote my life to ‘evil’…i would take whatever i could, without regret…deceive…manipulate…anything to get what i wanted, since i wasn’t recieving what i felt i rightly deserved from the world

i believe God was involved in my life all along…even when i defied a Creator of the Universe cursing and mocking Him…certain events have come to pass in my life, and like alot of people say in the rooms, ‘I would not be here today if I hadn’t have gone through what I have’…i strongly feel that it took every drunk, high and belligerent act to put me in these shoes today…not saying that God wanted me to do these horrible, stupid and tragic things…but, maybe allowed them to come to pass in order for me to be ready and accept what the spiritual world has to offer

i look at my Higher Power much like the Big Book describes Him…i honestly have faith that He plays a Father role in my life…and like all good fathers, He understands that there are some things i must learn on my own…i have had to come to terms with things as only i would understand them…and this Power i choose to call God is something i have a very limited understanding of…although, i firmly believe that God has an infinite understanding of who i am, and what it takes for me to learn a lesson and begin living life as He would have me…that is why i place such a large dependence upon Him…and my life and understanding is greatly improved when my will is in line with His