Feb 17

The Face of Collapse and Despair…

it’s been a while since I have logged on here…about six months, to be exact…alot has happened to me in this time…i am just now getting back to logging in and cleaning up this page some…i have really missed being a part of the online recovery world and devoting my time to this page…for almost six years HMR meant alot to me…for those of you that are new friends to Half Measures, it started over at Myspace as a blog-conversation starter…it grew from there, once I had it moved to Facebook…i ran into an old friend of mine in the program, who was very interested in online recovery radio programming…Rum Radio and I grouped together and started our own shows, which was a success…money problems came my way, and i had to drop the show for awhile, but it was picked back up eventually…i even started a website for HMR that highlighted the blog material and players for certain episodes of the radio show…i was even interested in phone apps at this time, and created one for the website


all that changed on August 6th, 2013…i am an avid skateboarder and had bought a longboard for downhilling in my neighborhood…i do not remember the day at all, but my sons were with me…we had ridden down a steep hill in my neighborhood…in the sharpest hill of the road, i gained about 30 mph…a vehicle came up sharply from around the corner…this forced me to turn quickly, going around it…i was thrown off my board and slammed my head into the pavement…not wearing a helmet, this cracked my skull, shaking the brain around in my head, causing me to bleed profusely from the injury…the vehicle i had gone around to avoid impact took off quickly, after seeing what had happend…my two sons immediately ran to houses, knocking on doors to call an ambulance…luckily another car came and saw my body laying there, and they were able to dial 911 for help


i thank God from the bottom of my heart that my boys were with me that day…had they not of been, i wouldn’t be alive today…the accident put me in the hospital for a month…for ten days the doctors had placed me in a coma…my wife knows alot more about this time…it is all very foggy for me…i can only remember the last week i spent in the hospital…and that isn’t very clear for me


once out of the hospital, i spent most time at home…there were therapies i had to attend…i also continued making AA meetings…but, my brain was not right…alot of memory loss, strange thought processes, and intense emotional displacements had me into a different person…immediately i picked up the drink…this was also something that had changed…two bottles of beer put me into a black-out…my drinking had gotten worse from the accident…alcoholism is a chronic illness, but also a progressive disease…the neurologist told me that alcohol could cause me siezures, and ultimately end in my death…but, i continued to drink anyway


on October 24th i went to a restaraunt after the AA meeting and drank two margaritas…immediately i was sent into a black-out…when i came to, i was in jail…spending a few days there, i was bonded out from payment by my folks…the arrest affidavit listed from video footage that i had ran a red light and parked in a lot, sitting in the backseat with the car running…music playing…headlights flashing…windshield wipers flapping…i was arrested for DWI after failing the drug test…i have been sober since


things have changed quite a bit since then…i still have court to attend for the charges…but, i have returned to the 12-step program with my sponsor and others that have known me for a long time in sobriety…i am starting back from day one as a newcomer…my brain injury still causes me problems, but the neurologist has given me help through testing and medication…i have returned to work last week, part-time for now…my life is slowly returning to normal…and i have thought some of what it was like before the accident…i wonder if i wouldn’t have eventually returned to the drink, had i not had the brain injury…i was very active in the program…service work…sponsoring others…treasurer of my home group…running this page and the radio show about recovery


yet, i had lost certain key elements of sobriety for alcoholics and drug addicts in the program…i wasn’t honest with my sponsor about what was going on in my life…i had returned to playing God and making decisions on my own…my life was full of many responsibilities…today i have had to begin all over again…i’m starting life all over…because my head has changed drastically, i’ve begun slowly, introducing activities in at an easy pace…there is scarring on my frontal lobes, which has caused all the mental and physical problems i have…but, my neurologist says that will return to normal in time…the scarring will be there forever, but my brain will send it’s signals around it and return to normal activity in time


i’ve decided to return to this page…but, at a slow pace…i think starting over like i had in the beginning of July 2008 is the best idea…i will blog occasionally, when i have something about my sobriety to share with my friends here…the radio program is not something i am ready for…i do want to eventually get the website back up and running again…this will take some time…i have so many other things in my life right now that i have to attend to keep in good shape…keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power is key…letting those in my life who are closest to me know what is going on is also a big factor…i have lost the power in controlling my drinking and drug abuse…my life has become unmanageable…making decisions is something i must reside in talking to others about…my selfishness and self-centerdness is the root of these troubles…my time must be spent on how i can be of service and help to others


thank you so much for reading and being a part of Half Measures Room…i am so glad to be back at this…please bear with me and feel free to comment below about what you may have experience, strength and hope with what i have shared…this is how HMR started in the beginning…and i am now back to that place once again…i love you all and hope that your life in sobriety is better than anything it was before, when you were drinking and using drugs…i will talk to you again soon


Oliver V.