May 04

A Lifetime of Spiritual Serenity Built by the Roots of Reality

IMG_0007this quote came from the April 22nd devotional of the AA book Daily Reflections, as did the title for this blog…it touched a lot of what I’m going through right now, so i thought i would include it in my writing…devotionals are something i’ve included in my morning meditation and prayer…i will read from this book and the Hazelden 24-Hours A Day…then take photo’s of the pages and send them to my sponsor, and another guy who has about the same time as i do…it’s a great way to start my day…not only do i get an inspirational read and helpful advice on my recovery, but also given the chance to share a message to those that suffer from the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction like i do

I also chair meetings as a way to commit myself to service work…the meetings i’m chairing right now are the book study’s…this is the best way for me to chair right now, because i don’t have to come up with a topic off the top of my head every week…it’s been hard enough for me to get back into my blogging…that’s why i’ve only posted like one or two a month…i wait until i have something to say before diving into carrying a message i’ve learned…since my head trauma accident a lot has changed in my attitude, perception and personality…i haven’t come a completely different person, but some significant changes have occurred…my memory isn’t as good as it used to be…i see things and express emotions quickly over them…learning has become quite a tool for me…i started back at school over a month ago, and it isn’t as easy as it used to be…i’m having to study more, spend more time doing assignments…what has helped me most is placing my dependence upon others that love and care about me…that also means my Higher Power…i can’t make many wise decisions on my own…i’ve found that out the hard way…i must disclose my ideas to those of most help to me first before taking any actions that will affect me or othersIMG_0006

in one of the Big Book studies i chaired we had read all the way through A Vision For You, which is pretty much the last chapter in the book…so, i asked the members if it was okay to read a story in the back…the day before I had been talking to a friend of mine who has been sober a long time about the stories…i haven’t read too many of them over the years…i’ve always stuck to the main textbook, that has all the instructions on how to work the program and stay sober…the stories in the back are important, however…they have changed over the years…new ones being added and old ones removed…but, you can buy all the stories that used to be in there in a book that AA publishes now

the most important thing i understand about sober alcoholic stories is telling people what it was like when drinking, what happened when they decided to stop, and what it’s like now that they have stopped…this is why we have speaker meetings at our groups regularly…the members at my book study were okay with us reading a story from the back, so i flipped open the title page and pointed out the first one that caught my eye…it’s titled Student of Life, and starts on page 319 in the 4th edition, if you want to read it yourself…to tell you the truth, i couldn’t really relate to the story that well…her folks did not drink…my family is full of drinkers, all of which aren’t in the program…she didn’t hit low bottoms like i did…and she didn’t start drinking until she was 18 years old…by then, i had already gone to jail because of my problem…i started drinking when i was 10 years old

what caught me most in her story were the similarities…we both had a lot of the same problems with our drinking habits…for the longest time she didn’t see a need to stop, but she wanted her management with life to change…i could totally identify with that…she also found the program similar to how i did…through another sober alcoholic in the program…i had been to three different treatment centers, which gave me some information on alcoholism and drug addiction, but nothing that would stick to me right away…it wasn’t until a member of AA came to me and told me some of his own story, then read stuff out of the BB to me…that’s when it clicked…this man was just like me…what i have is a disease…and no treatment center or individual person could stop it for me…i had to have God’s help

this is what led me into the program…working with others like me is how i’ve able to understand my problems and find solutions for them…my Higher Power works through these people…and i didn’t have a relationship with God until i came into the rooms

“I was so certain I had found the answer in alcohol.  I could clearly see now that had been a lie.” – p. 326 AA BB

the best definition for insanity i have heard came from my Sunday School class in church…insanity is believing a lie is the truth…honesty…open-mindedness…willingness…these are the keys to success in our sobriety program…without these tools, the 12 steps mean nothing…for the longest time i relied upon myself, my own intuition to lead me through life…the more i drank, the more this developed into a life of lies…i’ve never been one to appreciate what other people say about me…neither have i been one to take another persons advice on how to live my life…until i became completely hopeless and defeated…sitting in jail, awaiting movement to prison…that is what was the end for me…i could see no other way out…no human could have saved me from that abyss…it had to be a Higher Power…one that i found in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous…it is the similarities in other sober drunks and druggies that i need to look for…not the differences…although some peoples stories and statements in meetings may get on my nerves…i may think they are full of shit, or not working a solid program themselves…that doesn’t matter…i need to disregard that thought and look for the similar characteristics in them…we are pretty much all in the rooms for the same reasons, and suffer from the same disease…during that moment of silence before the serenity prayer at the beginning of a meeting, i spend that time asking my Higher Power to ‘remove my judgements against other people so i can hear the message’…i’ve never heard God’s voice and direction from the clouds above me in heaven…they have always come from people here that walk the Earth