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Aug 28

Provisional Guideline Continuance as a Collection for Building Humility

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the higher power conception was not an easy thing for me to accept…growing up in an atheist household, the influence of a God figure wasn’t at the forefront of my teaching, as a child…that didn’t leave my mother with a poor raising…she did tell me the differences between right and wrong…to treat everyone as i would want to be treated…thinking of what i can do for others, before doing for myself…aside from religious learning, she was a fabulous spiritual teacher…and she never pushed or instructed me on her own personal beliefs…in fact, once a neighbor of ours invited to take me to their church…and she hadn’t any problem allowing me to go

that being said, my personal beliefs have always been surrounded by visual and physical proofs…my hardest time with the God concept is the not hearing Him from the clouds…or seeing Him in person…that was the toughest part for me to grasp…so, when approached with the solution to my drug/alcohol problem (as directed in the 12 steps) belief in a Higher Power became a stumbling block…in the beginning

provisional – arranged or existing for the present, possibly to be changed later

when sitting down with my sponsor to go over Step 2, he asked me to give him my own ideas of what the God idea is …given my need for proof of this existence, i merely looked into nature…here are the building blocks to life as we know it…on this planet, materials, organisms and all other sorts of matter are built upon pyramids…specifically, there are charts labeling food and creatures in an order…certain animals need particular substances for reason to survive…every thing on this planet has a purpose…i couldn’t see any accidents surrounding me…and they all appeared too creative for mentioning mistake…flowers had such color and vibrance…birds carried beautiful song and ornate patterns in their feathers…fruits grew from trees for eating…or from the ground, surrounded by complex design features…i just couldn’t see this as being a molecular cataclysm in space through a giant Big Bang…it all seemed too reasonable than that

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recently, i’ve had more thoughts on the concept of God…a couple of meetings i’ve attended have involved discussion on will…selfishness is definitely the root of my problems…alcohol and drugs were merely antidotes…these were what i used to overcome difficulty…for the longest time, i felt this was my own personal preference…that no one needed bother me about my use…it had nothing to do with them…this was my decision…however, from the outside my behavior went into a deep cauldron…and i was the only one who refused to see it, or admit to it…in fact, i was the last person to realize that addiction had taken over

as in nature, humans are the only ones running upon self-will…all other animals and creatures upon this earth fit their purposes in life…their thoughts and actions are used and taken to preserve their own lives…but with humans, we straggle with a multitude of ideas…thoughts…emotions…feelings…movements…and when finally taken by a disease such as alcoholism/drug addiction, we haven’t the power to change and go back…we need something other than human to help…this begins with turning our own will and life over to God…but, what is God’s will for us?…how is that a light offering to take with utmost assurance?

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i hear God’s messages through the people about me…this is why meetings are so important…it is a fellowship with people who have gone through similar turmoil…and survived…without taking a drink…or a drug…and they tell me how they’ve done it…but, words are not my only source of will from a Higher Power…a book with instructions can only take me so far…i have to participate in the action…which brought me to the Trinity…Service…Unity…Recovery…God’s will is the result of events taking in place in my life…it is the problems i face…and i look to those i trust for assistance in what i should do next…i don’t think anything happens by mistake in this world any longer…i have to take what i have learned from those that care deeply about me…and want me to succeed…and go forth by making good deeds…problems do not solve by themselves…i must go forth by doing the right things…instead of the wrong ones that have only benefitted me in the horrible past…life goes on…good and bad…it is only in how handling it the sober way that a new life begins and continues…i no longer have to go it alone…taking inventory will show how much a mess i have made by myself…if i could have taken it by myself…i never would have gone a foot inside the doors of our 12 step fellowship