Jun 16

All 12 Steps Lead to One Door…

IMG_1893purpose…there is a reason we all exist today…it shouldn’t matter what we see, feel, think, want, hear or believe…it rests upon that in front of us presently…the reality of it…and the Steps move us forward into purposefulness…so much kept me from moving ahead when i was out using and getting high…i did very little, even though all i thought about was myself…must have meant i didn’t care much, which was clear to other people…within my selfishness i wouldn’t even care about myself…being loaded was mostly about changing my current state of being…avoiding actual events, hoping they would come to pass and i would never have to revisit them again…doing that avoided me seeing things as they really were…and then it got worse…i would use to satisfy physical cravings…my body called out for refreshment…the mind lost whatever control it thought it had, and the body took over

therefore the only reason i found for living was to stay high…sobriety was boring to me…it caused nothing but IMG_1896problems, especially after coming for a need to get loaded…mental control was taken over by a physical ailment…i became an addict, unable to change what had been created…selfishness turned quickly into selflessness…no longer did i care for myself only…i became bent on treating sickness the only way working so far…and death wasn’t a hard option…i never expected to live past my 20’s anyway…caring for anything slipped away…doing absolutely everything i could find to stay high was my only solution…right or wrong…bad or good…nothing mattered to me anymore…this was the last straw…a spiritual sickness

recently i finally got to read a book by Aldous Huxley…an author that has always intrigued me, by his constant referrals to the human psyche and religious beliefs…he mentions many things in the essay i finished looking over…a lot has been hard for me to absorb…one phrase that has stuck with me is talk about the “Door in the Wall”…this is described as a place man will go in which he “will never be quite the same as the man who went out”…i find this to be true in what turns people into addicts…as well as those who eventually recover into the new sober life

things always seem to change, the more we search out results…we may try and try again, yet never discover a true meaning…for experienced, trusting servants looking for real answers this usually highlights the wrong path…and new choices are decided to be made, in order to go another way…others, who mostly likely have ulterior motives inside, binge deeper…they go by any means imaginable to find what they want…and once success finally comes their way, it’s just cause for more of the same…once is never enough to continue re-feeling completion of that original desire…so they take more, and more often…uselessness is what the outsider views…and the user refuses to look at it that way…because the cause has taken over…no longer is the person in control

IMG_1892principles behind each step in the program provide a purpose in maintaining sobriety to stay alive…as i continue to work them in all aspects, there comes a usefulness to my existence…this is something i had failed to see before finding a need to be clean…there lies product of new light shining upon working ideals, rather than sinful seeking…after walking through this new way of life, i began thinking of myself again…the more i practiced the principles, my thoughts and feelings became positive…my attention then moved towards others, and how i could better meet their needs…helping them with the difficulties experienced i could be witness to

in this way, most of what comes into my life now can be seen exactly as it is…no longer do they appear as simple objects…material is less of a requirement or necessity today…i have the opportunity to look into everything, discovering the needs for their usage…how they fit into life tools to assist myself and everyone else walks us through what is stumbled upon presently…we have never found the Power to do this alone…we must have something greater than ourselves, wealth, drugs, or alcohol for that achievement…God has always been there for us, whether we have been obvious to it, or not…His presence enables us to see what we’ve been hiding from our own eyes, mind and heart…this change never comes from within…it is found all around us…outside of our own intentional (or non-intentional) substance of collection