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Oct 07

Stillness…One-ness…Be-ness…

img_2329seven years ago, some men from my home group put together a weekend retreat…more like an intensive workshop for going through all 12 steps in a couple days…it started on a plot of land owned by a guy i’ve known since i’ve come in…unfortunately, he’s no longer with us…good news is, he did graduate from our program, and passed away clean and sober

last time i went on this thing i was in the middle of posting vlogs going over each individual step…you will be able to find these on the HMR website, if you go over the history…or, you can just find me on Youtube and subscribe there…not something i do often, but occasionally i like to greet readers in person, since i do not know the majority of you…this year was quite different for me…i brought the laptop along, but left it in the car…it meant so much, getting to spend that time in nature with a group of guys all after the same thing…a new way of life, rather than the way we had been living it…and that is the primary reason for me attending this deal…it’s not about getting away and forgetting everything i’m dealing with on the daily…rather than a vacation or get-a-way, this is a togetherness…we bond and discover what is truly blocking us…what i am missing…what i have overlooked…importance in continuing the path for which i do not want to pick up again…for elimination of using drugs and alcohol is just the start…a more vital affirmation is here before me, in my respectable abode, job and situationimg_2358

another big reason for me going on this retreat is getting to know new people…i do my best to associate with guys i haven’t met before..this year was awesome in that way, because i was able to give someone a ride…it’s about a 2-hour trip from my home to the campsite, so that gave us time getting to know one another…and, he is fairly new to Texas, so i made sure to take the back-road route…it’s much more scenic and less traffic that way…one highway follows along a river for several miles, crossing back and forth…all under trees in the shade…beautiful drive…we spoke to each other about numerous different things…what kind of music we listen to…what we do for a living…our family lives…what sobriety is about for us today…the meetings we go to…part of the stepwork focusing on currently…which set the atmosphere of the weekend for usimg_2333

the place itself is off the grid…even though electricity and water runs throughout the place, there is no internet or cell phone towers…no bars on the mobile…no wifi for web traffic…not exactly a primitive campsite…we actually stay in cabins with bunkbeds, restrooms and showers…there is a meeting hall with attached kitchen…all needed amenities are there…just bare essentials…we must bring bedding, food and other toiletries…i’m also a stickler for taking notes…however, this year i was so in tune with talking with other guys, i just couldn’t find time to jot things down…there were some speakers, which keyed in on ideals and principles sparking my attention…but, most of the needed time was spent in groups, which was awesome…at the end of the deal we all gathered around as a large group and had the discussion meeting, on what we found at the retreat helping solve our core issue for being there…an item that kept coming up, that has been close to my heart lately is fellowship…every morning we would get together before the sun rose to have a meditation meeting…the leader of this made it a point to have everyone sit close enough to one another so that their feet were touching…in this way, he expected the power of God to flow within and throughout us as a whole…this energy is effective not only in that circle we created, but during the entire weekend…because we all came for the same fundamental reason…and we worked side-by-side which creates conductiveness…the power from that eternal source is passed on from each of us, to the next still suffering addict/alcoholic…and i think it was best that we spent that time alone as a collective, away from the conflicts and confusion of the society we live in…it presented us a time and place for focusing on what is really troubling and keeping from cluing in on what the real problem is…us…as individualsimg_2357

something coming out to me in the past few weeks strongly is this vision of what’s going on…i have been bent on negativity, and seeing the wrong in others, or particular situation…my sponsor and i even went over these resentments as an inventory…the 5th step is pivotal in this process, for i need someone else with different seeing eyes to look at what continues to ail me…and ask questions directing attention to my part in it…in this manner, it becomes apparent that i can no longer look at how to correct others in mistakes made…when no longer “playing God”, this is out of my power and control…directing immersion to God’s will, i’m given the opportunity for looking at the issues with a totally different inspection…an absolute opposite perception…i realize that it is in how i’m seeing it all…i only have the resources to change myself…in this way, my attitude becomes more positive…what is it that i can do now to make myself feel better about this?…what is laid out before me, as far as tasks and duties?…how can i contribute, rather than doing my best to take away?…what do i have to offer with myself, other than expecting to be given from those i’m so angry at?…because that is what the 12-step way of life is about, anyway…destroying selfish, self-seeking motives, and turning attention toward those i can help