«

»

Feb 25

Re-visiting Unwanted Places…

being a part from has become an issue for me again, lately…that’s the good thing in keeping contacts on my phone…a close friend in the program text me, saying he hadn’t seen me in awhile…asking if i’d like to go to a meeting with him soon…it’s a part of my life that has been missing…i’ve kept job and family as the primary source of responsibility…work hours were taking up most my time…so coming home and spending that free time with my kids and wife were important…still no excuse for excluding the fellowship…keeping telling myself that there are no thoughts of getting loaded…however, when bad ideas do arise, it is an immediate danger…or, when someone mentions drinking and getting high in passing, it can stay in my head…and that can be a problem…those thoughts must be removed immediately, through prayer and disclosure to other’s that are likeminded

inclusion of all areas in my life are vital…nothing should be missing…it causes a major shift in my ways of feeling, thinking and acting…for me it’s been negativity, which leads to anger and depression…expecting so much that i believe i deserve…for all the work i’ve gone through and what has been accomplished…i haven’t felt respected and appreciated, in certain areas involved with…and it still doesn’t happen for me…no matter how far i continue with where i’ve gone…i’m still not gaining those expectations…which brings me to the First Step…i’m not only powerless over alcohol and drugs…i haven’t the power over several other areas, as well…which makes managing life difficult…so, i shouldn’t be going it alone…no matter how hard i try and keep my mouth shut from negativity, it’s crucial that i admit these things to someone else…a person with eyes other than mine…who can see things i’m unable to, at this moment…for it’s not me who knows what i need, at times…it’s a Higher Power, who speaks through other people…and i should understand that i am right where i’m supposed to be…dismiss what i have gone through and done in the past…and what i demand comes to me in the future…it’s the right here and now that holds the greatest importance…and the only time in life worth focusing on

i’m starting to disagree with the notion i have an illness, or disease…isn’t it much more than that?…i get that it’s chronic…i also see how it is progressive…however, for me it’s more like conditioning…i can’t rightly say i’m that different from other people…we all have similar defaults and errors in character…it’s the condition of which that sets a person like me a part from the rest…i choose to use and get loaded when times are rough…or when life is good…or when i’m bored…once doing this for awhile, the physical side rears it’s head…i’m doing it to overcome the effects of allergic reactions…then there’s the mental state…i’m forced to follow insane frames of mind…obsession…denial…which sorely falls into a malady of spiritual nature…this was the hardest factor for me to accept…and now i see that spiritual is the polar opposite of material…so when i’m bent on using, i will take on everything in order to get what i believe i need and want and desire…which brings me to the most pivotal part in our recovery literature…the description of selfishness and self-centeredness as the “root of our troubles”…i do not see a cure for alcoholism and drug addiction…instead, treatment is made available…which, when used continually, has the ability for altering our condition…this is the 12 Step Way of Life…and like the final suggestion mentions, these principles must be practiced in all areas…for, i never used and drank for one reason only…there were a number of means by which i felt it necessary to continue…and these must be addressed on the daily now, in order for me to maintain sobriety

no longer do i see myself as a victim…i’m more like the perpetrator…or assailant…and i have to get out of my condition to start helping others…so many times have i taken from others in order to succeed where i deemed necessary…doesn’t this sound similar to where i described being at the beginning of this blog?…so yes, that is dangerous…when that old mode of thought arrives, it is only a matter of time before the destructive actions begin taking place…selfishness must be exchanged for unselfishness…and our recovery program immediately shifts that aim from us to them, within the first 3 steps…although, actions do speak louder than words…i can admit and believe and decide all day long…and then nothing will materialize, until i begin moving forward…doing things for the support of others through their own trials and errors promises growth and development for my own…reaching out to people for help…being a witness of removal from your own problems shows those struggling that change is possible…it is in looking to people as being the same and not different that links us to spiritual matter…as the prayer goes, “But, for the Grace of God, there go I”…sharing an emphatic connection brings sufferers together as a group in recovery…giving of myself to help others in need is the basis of our sober Fellowship…and i could not have gone where i’ve been without it