when experiencing trouble and strife without answers to problems, i make sure to approach my sponsor for some solution…after listening to my woe’s for a minute, he will nod his head in agreement, acknowledging his own likeness…then asks questions of what i’m doing presently to maintain my sobriety…and i’ve realized that the tools i use are very similar to my shortcomings…like that story of all the trashcans missing one lid…it doesn’t matter how much i’ve done for their removal, there is always one remaining open…what i am lacking in my daily involvement today in sobriety is evening review…at night i thank my Higher Power for keeping me sober…i bring up large issues having been unresolved, asking for guidance and direction…but, i am not following the questions mentioned in the literature…nor am i reciting prayer in asking what i can do to pack more into the ‘stream of life’
a practice missing in my program is meditation…something i had formally picked up with some success, yet never continued it’s use…i was suggested to start attending meditation meetings at the groups…something that has grown in popularity over the past few years…so, this morning i got up early to make one…the room normally used for it had been taken for some special engagement…and we moved to a smaller, more intimate location…after the lights were turned out, and everyone was quiet and comfortable, the chairperson began with an intro…he proposed that we focus on our bodies…what physical feelings did we notice?…taking a couple deep breaths for position to relaxation, it was asked what we knew about consciousness…was it internally or externally that it came from?…are our minds or hearts where consciousness resides?…or is it further removed than that?
taking meditation into memory, i recall people reciting mantra’s and sitting in lotus positions…i also remembered candles, in which people gazed into illumination of it’s flame…for me, it has always been nature…i like listening to birds chirping…wind blowing…which worked with this situation…being inside, i direct attention to the air conditioning unit running…or traffic moving outside on the road…in the past i used instrumental music from my phone…hearing the variations of tune and particular sound from different instruments…this is what has worked when aimed at removing constant thoughts from my head…which allows the presence of God to enter that quiet and empty zone now
this was soon interrupted, as some late attendees opened the door and sat down to join us…then, i heard other people coming into the group, asking each other what was going on in the other room…was there another meeting going on they didn’t know about?…the door opened a couple other times with people saying, “sorry…”, not meaning to intrude…every few minutes, something invaded my calm time…repeatedly, i would bring my head back to what was given at the beginning…how are my legs feeling?…what are my arms doing to stay still?…is my back in a relaxed stature?…take a couple more full inhales, and exhale for that peace-ness
finally, the door came open one last time…a group member asking us to wrap it up, because the room was needed to be used for the upcoming event…the light was turned on…we all opened our eyes…and ended the meeting with a prayer…asking that we be shown all throughout the day what our next step is to be…and at first, this really ruined my plans in returning to meditation as a means for opening my brain and soul to the Higher Power…and then i realized it is what i take from the meeting that can be used for endeavors of improving that tool…a man spoke before we started, saying he chose a spot at home for optimum stillness…even when he was rushing out the door to leave for work, or whatever…he could quickly sit down, if only for a few minutes…giving that time for opening his heart and mind to a Power greater than himself…which made me think about a place in my own home…where i can use what i’ve learned today in continuing daily work so sorely needed for closing cans of trash infiltrating my sober life