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May 11

Sojourning Terminus Genesis…

reading devotionals have always been the highlight in beginning my day…it’s much like hearing someone share in a meeting…how i get messages from my Higher Power…i’ve never heard the voice of God from the heavan’s…only through people like yourself carrying the word…devotional reading is how i make my start every morning, before prayer and going over plans in keeping busy…i have to admit, sometimes i’m not always where the readings are taking me…and there are times where the words just roll out of my mind…similar to some prayers i recite…they just go in and out of my head, as they have come in…yet, occasionally they are right on the beam i am standing…which is when i take photos from my phone and post the images here…because it’s usually something i have to talk about and share with those facing the same afflictions

taking part in Beginner’s meetings also has a lot of meaning for me…it’s a great place to meet new people who are just coming in…i’ve never been good at introducing myself, or starting conversation…so, this is a good way to continue in the practice…it is also a big reminder as to why i came in the program to begin with…keeping with the first few steps, and the definitions of alcoholism/drug addiction…i never want to forget what classifies me as a member of our Fellowship…and i also want to always be there for those in need, or have questions about our organization…i remember lot’s of questions coming to my mind when being a newcomer…it’s important that people with the right answers and experience are made available…connections are vitally crucial when coming into the rooms…finding those similarities, rather than the differences brings us together, when all other denial and ignorance pulls us apart…meeting people who have been where we have been, and are going where we want to go builds trust…that helps grow the honesty and willingness needed in moving forward with the new way of life…it is in when admitting that my old way of thinking and acting lead me nowhere that i will finally accept advice and guidance from those who have what i want through sobriety

thinking about likenesses, i watched the TV show Hoarders recently…this is a reality program about people who suffer from addictions to collecting items in excess…so bad, the rooms in their homes are filled to the roof with boxes, junk, garbage and all other personal things that weren’t ever considered being gotten rid of…this one lady had a fond affinity to teddy bears…she loved holding on to them when in times of strife or depression…it felt they brought happiness and security to her when struggling with life, which had been going on for years…so long, in fact, that her house was full of dolls and stuffed animals…it threatened her mortgage, as she purchased these things online…some were very expensive, yet she felt worth it, having collected a substantial severance package from a previous employer…these funds had dwindled to nearly nothing…and now, because of the overtaking over her home with this constant obtainment of things, it was closing in on condemning…after approached with family and psychiatry, she openly agreed to allowing professionals in to clean the place up…first, they emptied the garage, always asking if it was okay with her to throw things away…she hadn’t any problem with it, at first…and just waved her hand, telling them to get rid of it…then, they started inside the house…laying out tarps to show all of the teddy bears and dolls in question…this immediately brought the woman to tears, which led to crying out…she would yell at the movers, saying she didn’t want that stuff to go

this brought me to the realization of how drug addicts and alcoholics react when faced with oblivion…we seek out help from professionals after being called out by friends and family for our destruction when drinking and doping…after seeing this truth and how we have only been digging a hole, unable to crawl out of, only one solution is found…quit the booze and drugs to walk through life anew…then, after seeing what it will take in conquering this problem, we stall or argue about what’s needed from us in recovery…so quickly can we forget what brought us to this point in the first place…it’s probably why those of us leave after being part of the program such a short period of time…we have yet to see and absorb the fruits of our labor…recovery from our disease is not a quick fix…there is no cure from our ailments…only treatment…and it must be carried out on a daily basis…in this way, only one thing separates us from normal people:  in the way alcohol and drugs have it’s affect on us…everyone else suffers from bad thoughts and feelings…it is only how a person reacts to them that makes the difference…using booze and dope changed the way we felt…and that is the quickest solution we found in combatting life issues…once that hold has us like a baffled lot, we only had two other solutions:  continue on to the bitter end, or accept the help offered to us by the ones that cared and loved most