Jun 06

Similarious Differention…

i’ve been doing my best not to separate myself from others in this world lately…there is so much talk in our meeting rooms claiming that as alcoholic’s and addict’s we are stricken with a disease (which i’m fine with)…i just find issue when it’s meant as some sort of victim role…for so long i’ve played that “actor” part that is written in our 12 Step literature…not “playing the role” that is assigned to me…only doing what i’ve found to present an image i want the outside world to see…it’s something dope and booze did most for me…clearing the air and disguising thoughts, feelings and bad deeds i had done to continue my abusing usage…which really isn’t much different from other people…my wife has been dealing with problems after acquiring a real estate license…she is more into finding candidates who are looking for leases and rentals…she is not fond of the selling homes aspect…although it is a much higher paying gig, she has complained about dressing up and showing make-believe appearance, in order to sell the house…which is a lot like how i am with sales…i’ve only been able to push products onto people if it is something that they like and need…never have i enjoyed promoting things that are bent towards creating revenue only…and i have encouraged my wife that she has the expertise, knowledge and eye for placing buyers into the right home

everybody deals with this kind of thing, whether they are addicted to a substance, or not…think about photo albums and pictures posted on Facebook…how many of those show individuals going through depression, heartache or anger?…no…they are all smiling and having a good time…it’s only professional photographers who are out in the field covering horrific events taking place in the world to capture that type of truthness…it’s not something family’s want to keep and cherish for memorance in the future…how could anyone forget that kind of tragic event?…why would we need to be constantly reminded of it, through looking at images that horrified, sickened or saddened us?…we do our best keeping the most troubling memories to ourselves…and the only thing that separates people like me from those “Normies” out there, is in how i have handled strife and shortcomings from the past…i would get loaded…the effect drugs and drink have upon me is what singles everything else out…physically…mentally…and spiritually…i’ve become broken…and since it is an incurable disease, i have but one option…to treat it on the daily from a Power other than human

this highlights the honesty principle shown when working through the steps…inventory work is vital, especially when continuing to face difficulty in life…it must be ascertained in order to remove those desires of getting high that will arise…finding someone whom i trust in sharing my deepest, darkest feelings, thoughts and actions is pivotal…i can’t be keeping things to myself, because i will only be looking at it through my eyes and perception…after writing down all the answers to questions, i share them with my sponsor…he listens and then will point out things that could be missing…like, “do you think that this may have affected your personal relations?”…or, “how about fear?…are you afraid of anything from this situation?”…when questioning these points, my sponsor most likely gives parts from his own experience that mimic what it is we are currently talking about…he may not have gone through the exact same thing i have, but has something showing likeness

signals illuminate the pinnacle of meetings and fellowship…a factor i’ve been focused on most, recently…keeping contact and approaching newbies is my focus in sobriety right now…whether they are low-bottom or high-bottom drunks and addicts, it is in discovering mirror images within that makes the most difference…because our message must carry that kind of “depth and weight” if we are to pass on what we have to those that are struggling getting and staying sober…it’s what i do in that moment of silence at the beginning of meetings…i ask my Higher Power to “remove my judgements against others, so i can better hear His message and be of service to those i can help”…i never know who i will relate to, or what it is i will hear that reaches out to me…even if i haven’t any imagery that fits their stories, usually something they say touches what i’ve gone or are going through at this point in time

the best example i can think of right now is this TV show i’ve been into for the past several months…it’s called Naked and Afraid…if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s about a challenge in which a survivalist man and woman are given 21 days to live in the wild without food, water or clothing to take with them…they use their learned skill set and and goals in completing the mission…some get overtaken by insect bites, cold weather or lack of food, poor shelter or illness conditions…this gives them the option of “tapping out”, where the producer of the show will come in and let them go home early, ending their chance of completing the full challenge…over the past several weeks, i’ve been riding my bicycle to get in shape and lose weight…never been much at working out with weights…exercise for me always entails doing fun things, like biking and skateboarding…so, i’ve worked at building up goals…last one being a 20 mile trek, which radically boosted my esteem…confident i could beat my last mileage attempt, i decided to ride further, accessing a trail 10 miles from my home…after making the trip today, i was excited!…and then, on my way home, some hills drastically took my energy down to a dangerous level…it was hot outside, and no shade for many miles up the road to bring me back to my neighborhood…after seeing some shade ahead of me, i thought of Naked and Afraid, and decided to “tap out”, calling my wife to come and pick me up…it wasn’t an easy thing to do…i was upset about not completing my mission…but, i was physically and energetically spent…although, i still upheld the goal-smashing idea and rode 26.7 miles…it is in striving to do the best that i commit 100% to a program…tomorrow is another day…it is in how much i put into life that i can get something out of it…and there are others i can watch in collecting advice and experience who have gone through something similar…no matter how different it may be