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Jul 27

Inept Perception…

following plans of action and keeping with fitting schedules comes first…no matter what is happening…with specific goals in mind, and the duties required for performance…this will secure completion of what must be accomplished day to day…over the past few months, i have been doing what i can to fulfill these specifications…with more time on my hands (due to unemployment), it has been imperative that i stay busy…i no longer enjoy wasting what would be better spent in contribution…especially coming to fear, worry and concern about that going on within myself…as been discovered (and a hard time understanding) through discussions with my sponsor…listening to what others share in meetings…the best way of getting out of ones self is directing focus on what to use in helping those around us in need…keeping close to the home group…approaching newbies with making connection…offering personal experience to topics brought up…these are ways i am reaching out for support at the Fellowship level

what i have been considering most right now…education and learning only bring a person part of the way looking to go…it takes hands-on experience for truly going through a path originally blazoned…work should follow steps taken in the beginning…which is brought by people who have gone that way before…a good friend of mine has also become unemployed…therefore, i am helping him out with what i have done so far…creating a better resume…updating the Linked In profile…scrolling through job searches for positions qualified for…speaking with each other daily…keeping up with what is next…what has been done since last talking…it has become pivotal in crossing our t’s and dotting our i’s…fulfillment in plans for future employment…an excellent way of staying centered with how what we are doing is moving us forward…keeping up to each other also boosts esteem and moods, when not being so pleased with where we are at…seeing through another’s eyes help in portraying life alternatively than how we’ve been living it…what presents itself so negatively in the mind, simply becomes that second chance with production

lately, life has become busy for me…still doing what i can to keep with plans and roles committed to…the third-wheel employment search activity with the internet hasn’t ended with anticipated result…running with not much more time on unemployment benefits, i’ve decided to go other routes…the prior attempts haven’t given much to what is expected…which has taken me to job clubs…much like 12-Step groups, these go over areas for attention..improvements over maintaining work…providence for what has been lacking…mostly about networking, for me…in addition to knowledge and involvement, it can be counted on who you know in guaranteeing candidacy…glancing back at the past, jobs held were due to education, employment summary and word-of-mouth…meet-ups are another commitment of mine…going through the freeCodeCamp website in building a portfolio is work with Full-Stack development…this led me to groups of people like myself…getting together at coffeehouses…going over where we are…what we have come from…what we aim on doing with the future…using this time in finding where i need improvement..asking questions about places i’m stuck on…walking others through things i’ve been in myself…aside from that, i’ve kept appointments with consultants about acquiring federal grant money for use in certifications…something else i’ve seen a lot of hiring teams asking for in job description

all of this has changed my outlook…where before i have felt lost, alone, caged, afraid, bitter and hopeless…now i’ve become more confident, positive, thankful, spirited, together and energized…with new avenues opened for me, i’ve placed extended promise into already planned scheduling…moving it all around…making room for what is really important…still riding my bicycle for alone-time and exercise…spending quality moments with family…using gift and inspiration for writing more…adjusting those front burners on the stove with what has now come in for guidance…waking up earlier…dressing better…eating more healthy…preparing to what is ahead has become primary…and none of it has came from my own accord…i did not see it all coming…i’m only witness to the bad feelings and thoughts that have flooded mind and heart…this has affected my loved ones and those closest to me the greatest…all they would do is keep up with encouragement…keeping my eyes and head onward, when all i reacted to was heartache and loss…assuming i was going nowhere…and in reality, a horizon was ahead…just not viewing that far, yet…what i assumed were boulders and blocks to pursuit, where merely molehills and indicators…all motioning to try other guidelines…when something doesn’t work an longer, it is best to find other outlets…rather than trying again and again something that leads nowhere

i may never know my true place in this world…if actually coming to the finality of God’s will for me, why wouldn’t i be playing Him myself?…it’s just otherworldly…not needing anyone’s help with things…Utopia…isn’t it better when seeing trouble and strife as venues to answering questions that plague our very being?…it’s how drug addiction and alcoholism has worked for most of us, hasn’t it?…just when we are shown destruction in everything of real value to existence…a true solution to recovery is shown to us…no wonder there aren’t any dues or fees for 12-Step membership…have we not paid enough when walking through the doors of freedom?…how simple is it to trudge through that other side…once accepting why coming to such bleak endings…for it is termination of the old life…into recognition of anew…looking at it all through someone else’s eyes…assistance in coming to realization with different minds…watching who has gone ahead…following their directive to bring new operation to a forgotten life…it’s not enough with what we think we know…it’s in actually doing that makes a point…you can tell me all day long how you have done something…it isn’t until actually trying it myself that is completely getting how it works…picturing and doing are absolutely different, in that way…much like fact or fiction…abstract and proof…thought or action

a lot of work is left for me to do…struggle will never stop, just because i’m sober and have a job…new difficulties arise…not mattering what day it is…it’s in how we approach it…emotions pin us down…confused in where and how to go…this is the nudge in asking for assistance…getting that clear and opposite hindsight from others…some will not know exactly what you are going through…they probably haven’t been in that same situation…still…more than likely they will have sound advice and recommendation…especially if they care about you welfare enough…this is much the same in how we reach out to others with help…i may not have ever stuck a needle in my arm…or foreclosed on a home i’ve bought…but, i plan on being there to support those i love who are in that kind of trouble…we must travel hand-in-hand, like it was done for me in calamity…it is never an easier path alone…only going in that same direction as before…looking at the old pinnacle abolition…wanting another road around to appear…and haven’t we been that way before?…what was the result in that?…nothing…when tracking those who are wanting to carry us, something is sure to materialize…going to a place we have been to before…even if it’s just one step at a time…it’s greater than staying in that similar, old stance…only having the chance in moving backwards…keeping the open heart and willingness for trying something different will we ever get to see, think and feel what hadn’t been accepted as possible…drop what has been done and pick up somewhere else…yes…it is sure to be uncomfortable…but, isn’t where we are at now just as much, if not more troublesome?