Apr 23

Spiritual Healing and Recovery with Rabbi Mitch

Episode #64:  “Modern, passionate, independent, and dedicated”…Rabbi Mitch is a “Spiritual Counseling Professional with a proven track record of work with culturally diverse populations including both individuals and groups.”  He is also a devoted sober blogger sharing his own experience, strength and hope of clean living and spirituality.  In this episode we talk with Mitch about sobriety and his own spiritual journey.

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Feb 06

awakened pleasurable echoes and anticipation

“A searching and fearless look at our complete drinking record shows that in the last years and months our drinking never created those perfect, magic moments again, no matter how often we tried for them. Instead, over and over, we wound up drinking more than that, and landed in some kind of trouble as a result. Maybe it was simply inner discontent, a sneaky feeling that we were drinking too much, but sometimes it was marital squabbles, job problems, serious illness or accidents, or legal or financial worries.

“Therefore, when the suggestion of ‘a drink’ comes to us, we now try to remember the whole train of consequences of starting with just ‘a drink’. We think the drink all the way through, down to our last miserable drunk and hangover.” p. 51 AA Living Sober

something we hear routinely in meetings is ‘playing the tape all the way through’, or remembering what it was really like…too many people that choose to go back to the drink and drug only recall the good times, or how good it felt to get relief from the first beer, joint, or line of coke…how easily we forget what drove us to the rooms in the first place…we have a selective memory when it comes to our disease…it’s the cunning, baffling nature of the illness…in the face of calamity and self-destruction, we do an about-face and pick up right where we left off…the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is a chronic and progressive one…we get worse and never better…once an alcoholic/addict always a addict/alcoholic

i know for me, when thoughts of drinking or getting high enter my head, i start to think about those last couple of months before coming to the program…how i used to hide my use…drinking and driving to get away with it…the lying to cover up my use…the fear that gripped me when cops would follow me…the terror i experienced when i came to the next morning to find the house empty…did my wife finally have enough and leave?…what did i say or do this time?…i couldn’t rightly remember

something else that occurs to me when that ‘stinking thinking’ enters my head is what life would really be like if i picked up again…for starters, i would no longer be able to maintain this page…i couldn’t rightly blog about sobriety anymore if i were using…what about all the readers i would let down?…then there are the friends i have in the program…the guys i talk to on a daily-weekly basis…i wouldn’t be able to hang out with them anymore…my whole life would change…my wife and i would instantly have a new relationship…it would ruin and alter everything my life has become over the past 3 and half years

there are so many good reasons for me to stay sober today…i have oppurtunities to be a good father, employee, husband and friend…these relationships were not only difficult before getting clean, but cumbersome as well…i get to live in a beautiful home today and have open and honest partnerships with wonderful people…i get to have responsiblities, like raising children, keeping an orderly home and filling roles in business and school…before, when i was drunk and high, i could barely stay conscious to watch a movie, play a video game, or read a book…most times i passed out, wondering what i had just seen or heard the night before…i missed out on so much…today i have the capacity and ability to be present in the world…this is the fundamental fact i consider when faced with the proposition of picking up again…is it really worth it to throw this life away?…i don’t think so…not to mention the horrible feelings of failure i would experience after coming to and realizing i had thrown all that clean time away…it is so hard to come back from that


Feb 06

Punk Friends in Recovery

Episode #57:  On tonights special show we speak with Jeff R., creator of PFIR and sober social media pioneer.  In June of 2008 HMR was created, inspired by Jeff’s work.  Edgy…unapologetic…brash…ugly…honest…and real.  PFIR is not afraid to show and share the stark realities of drug addiction and alcoholism.  In this episode we hear Jeff’s story and share ESH with 12 step recovery.

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Jan 30

Everything Anonymous

“Though our decision (the Third Step) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.”   AA BB .64

had a discussion in the chat box with a friend of ours a few days ago…she voiced a problem deciding whether or not she should switch Fellowship from AA to NA…being a drug addict (and not much of a drinker) she asked what i thought…i encouraged her to follow her own concious and reminded her that symantics aside, it’s the stepwork that is vitally important to our recovery, not the meeting itself…i find the Fellowship i am most comfortable with personally, is the one for me…in either Fellowship, we practice the same principles…alcohol and/or drugs are only mentioned once in the Steps themselves…and only in the First Step, when we admit our lack of power over them

i am poly-addicted myself, and would qualify for either Fellowship…i have attended both meetings before, but are sure to identify/qualify myself as an addict in NA meetings, or an alcoholic in AA meetings…i’m careful not to confuse the two…for if i share about my addiction to say Exctacy in Alcoholics Anonymous, i stand a good chance of not relating to a newcomer drunk who just walked in the door…same goes for Narcotics Anonymous…i do not go on and on about my drinking when i share there…to tell the truth, i try my best not to drunk or drug log at all in meetings…everyone there already knows how to loaded…why should i be reminding them?

switching gears for a second, i got really angry at work yesterday…things just didn’t go as planned, and i ended up having to stay overnight out of town, unexpectedly…it pissed me off for a number of reasons, and i was just hot by the time i left the job site…driving down the road in the direction of the hotel, i called a buddy of mine i had met in San Antonio a couple of months ago…”Man, i am in a pissy mood…was thinking of hitting a meeting…you going to one today?”…actually, he was at the group already and told me to come on over, that there was a meeting starting within the hour

by the time i got there, i had settled down considerably…during the meeting, i reflected some…i realized that back in the day, i would have stopped at the nearest convenient store and bought a beer…popping that top, i would have drained half that can with an exasperating “aaaaaahhh” in relief…i also realized that normal people CAN do that…i have lost that luxury today…i can’t drink or drug normally…i have lost the ability…normal people, when they get upset and say they ‘need’ that beer or joint, it stops there…not with someone like me

that’s just how i coped with things, by using…didn’t really matter what it was either…it’s just how i dealt with life…when things became bothersome, or i felt helpless, frustrated, irritated, angry, sad, fearful…any range of emotions…especially when to celebrate or some horrible tragedy occured…that was always the answer for me…sometimes out of sheer boredom i would get high, just because…after using like that for awhile, i depended upon the chemicals to make me feel better…then the addiction took over, and i got loaded to overcome the cravings…the uncomfortableness…the sick feelings in my stomach, head, and nerves…by then, it was too late…i couldn’t stop

that’s what sobriety is about for me today…going through life and actually experiencing it…i heard it said best in the meeting i went to last night…apparently an old-timer of the group had just passed…quite a few people shared about being there for him in his last days…this man had been battling cancer, and they were saying that although they knew he was in a great deal of pain, he didn’t complain once…he just walked through it and took it…he died sober, in a room full of sober friends and family who loved him…he didn’t do it alone…and that’s what it’s kind of like for me…i can get angry, lonely, tired, confused, sad, whatever…and i have to walk through it and take it…but, i don’t have to do it alone…and i don’t have to get high…i don’t want to anymore…and i have God, friends in the program, and family to support me and walk through it

Jan 30

The Jumping-Off Place

Episode #56:  We in the program who do our best to carry the message and put ourselves out there for the next suffering addict/alcoholic know what it is. What can be done for someone who is on the proverbial fence?  Why is it that some get this thing, and others fail miserably for years?  How is it that certain people never have to return to the drink or drug, and yet others die from this disease?  These issues/questions are especially hard on the family and loved ones.

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Jan 21

Recovery Connections w/Joseph D.

Episode #56:  Instigate, Agitate, Educate, and Liberate!  Joseph D’s “mission is to unite organizations,support groups, and everyone else who needs a helping hand.”  His blogs offer a interesting look into the impact that drug and alcohol addiction have on our society.  In this episode we speak with Joseph and explore the many different topics he has attacked through his efforts to carry the message of sobriety over the internet.

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Jan 10

readjustment of the family attitude

“Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition. A doctor said to us, ‘Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.’ Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. Each in his own turn may be footsore and may struggle. There will be alluring shortcuts and by-paths down wish they may wander and lose their way.”   AA BB p. 122-123

one of the most important phrases, i believe, in this book is the one that talks about elimination of drinking being only a beginning…a much more important demonstration lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs…early sobriety is difficult for most…as a matter of fact, i can’t think of one person i have met and know that thought it was a breeze…much baggage and damage has been caused and accumulated over years of destruction and neglect…the extreme selfishness we allow to run our lives calls for much inattention to those that mostly need us and want us beside them…however, abusing alcohol and drugs demanded most (if not all) of our quality time…and the time we did spare for our loved ones was lacking in quality

i remember very clearly my first couple months without drinking and drugging…i was still emotionally vacant…the emotions i did display were still very abrasive and conflicting…i wanted my family to be patient with me as i assured them i would get better…i knew it wouldn’t be an overnight matter…for some reason, i expected everyone else around me to change as i did…but in most cases, that did not happen…families can become just as sick as the alcoholic/addict…just because we have decided to stop does not erase years of abuse and wondering if we are ever going to get it together…it takes time and repitition to build trust in those we have broken

for me personally, i am so grateful i have the oppurtunity to remain a father to my 5 year old daughter…although i practically single-handedly ruined my marriage (i’m not gonna take all the credit here…lol), i still have a vibrant and productive relationship with my child…it is one of the brightest spots in my life…and i am so thankful she may have been too young to remember just how bad i had gotten…although i am sure she has some recollection of unhappy scenes between her mother and I…another fact of my life that i am truly grateful for, as far as family goes, is that i have somewhat mended the relationship with my ex-wife…although our relationship has altered, we get along much better now that we only have our daughter to focus on…but, i still have to prove on a weekly basis that i am trustworthy, responsible and selfless enough to care for her and be a good parent…and it all began with not drinking and using drugs…without sobriety first, i would never have been able to be in their lives as i am today

so, things may change between our families and us, once we begin the process of recovery…but, no matter where this new life takes us, we can be assured that it will be infinitely better than anything we could have planned or created on our own…the way of life as we had been living it would surely mean disastor…we have a chance today to participate in the world and life as we know it…it’s all in the role we play that our Higher Power assigns us…if we perform that work well, many hard times and tough situation will come to pass…things may change, but most surely for the better…if the former life did not work for us and others, a new arrangement may be in order to continue on like we are


Jan 10

Returning to the Rooms

Episode #55:  after a two month long hiatus, the HMR internet radio show is up and running again…Oliver V. is your host tonight…we will be talking about relapse…going back out again has always been a talking point on this show, and tonight we will explore and discuss what it is like coming back in to the program

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Dec 18

back in action

i want to personally thank all of my readers and listeners for bearing with me over the past couple of months…  being away from this website and the radio show has bummed me out considerably, and i am so glad to be getting back to what i love to do on the internet:  carry the message of 12 step recovery

life has not slowed down for me, but my financial situation has improved…i start a new job in January, which is truly a blessing…i have acquired my drivers license, after being suspended a year (speeding tickets/invalid license)…i’m now working on a vehicle, so that i can commute back and forth to my new job

life is good and getting better all the time…i had a rough patch there for several months, but have held through with the help of God and those of you in the program who have shared His message with me…i celebrated 5 years of sobriety on December 3, 2007 and for that i am truly grateful!…none of this could have been possible without the fellowship and a power greater than myself, which i have found in the rooms

i still have a lot of work to do…i am still a very busy person with a lot on his plate…but, my resources are plentiful right now, so i will always make time to blog and conduct the radio show…next step is to get the blogtalkradio.com account back up and running again, which i plan to do today…i will look at my schedule and post an ad for the next show on the facebook profile for HMR

also, i am still working on the devotional books of archival blog material from Half Measures Room…there is still a lot of editing to be done before Alcoholics Anonymous GSO will give it their stamp of approval…as soon as that is done and receive the correspondence letter approving reprinting the copyrighted material, i will start looking at self-publishing over the internet…if any of you are familiar with doing this type of publishing, i would love to hear from you…just email me here at oliver@halfmeasuresroom.com

thanks again for all of your patience…God bless and i will be talking to you soon on the radio!

Oct 10

The Pride Barrier

Episode #54:  Actually, what is a bar against all information and never ceases to keep a person in everlasting ignorance is a person’s pride.  The most glaring and dangerous of all manifestations of self, pride is what kept us from accepting a solution to our problems.  Whether it be drugs, alcohol, money, or relationships, pride is what has stood in our way.  In order to finally recover from a disease of the mind, body and spirit, we had to swallow our pride and get honest with ourselves.

Listen to internet radio with halfmeasuresroom on Blog Talk Radio

Older posts «

» Newer posts